The Ranting Stephen: What's My Style?
For some reason I found myself asking how is it I ever came to be in a relationship with anyone ever in the first place. Not to get too deep into it, after all my ranting is not what it used to be without the teenage angst to color what is surely poetry of the mind, heart, and testicles, but I am once again out of a relationship with a girl i loved deeply and besides angry I am also feeling contemplative. Much like the state i was in when i started all those years ago. Only nowadays I suppose teenage angst was sexual repression, wanderlust, and a misunderstanding of the world in general. Nowadays, all of what made up my teenage angst has been, shall we say, amended? Reprieved? Satisfied?
Anyway, several years of contemplation, several loves and lovers, several hundreds of miles later, i have returned to ranting.
So i asked myself, how did i ever get a girl in the first place? Since it was such a huge part of the teenage angst, and here i am in the midst of what should be angst or poetic fury, and there is no such thing today. If it was, indeed, a woman's touch that removed/relieved it, how do i get one again? What's my style of....
And then i hit a stopping point. What do i even call that? Getting a girl? Claiming a lady? Seducing a woman? The word that defines success would indeed be shaded by the action that preceeds it. So the question is, What is my style?
Anyway, several years of contemplation, several loves and lovers, several hundreds of miles later, i have returned to ranting.
So i asked myself, how did i ever get a girl in the first place? Since it was such a huge part of the teenage angst, and here i am in the midst of what should be angst or poetic fury, and there is no such thing today. If it was, indeed, a woman's touch that removed/relieved it, how do i get one again? What's my style of....
And then i hit a stopping point. What do i even call that? Getting a girl? Claiming a lady? Seducing a woman? The word that defines success would indeed be shaded by the action that preceeds it. So the question is, What is my style?
I think the typical viewpoint is that men HUNT for women, which kind of goes with Claiming a lady: you go out, you hunt them down, you take them home and eat them or stuff them. I prefer to eat them and them stuff them myself, sometimes stopping the stuffing to do more eating....
But no, Hunting seems to lack finesse and is way more brutal and direct than what I do. Hunting seems to give me the image of the old Cat and Mouse game, where a man is just chasing women around until he catches one.
In High school I took to calling it FISHING, going along with the "plenty of fish in the sea" adage. And that made sense for a while: you put the bait out and you wait for a lady to get hooked, then you reel them in and whack them so they stop wriggling. (Can you tell I've only ever fished in video games?) Fishing is much more laid back, almost passive. But I don't think I have that patience for that. I mean, I hear you can spend a whole day fishing and not catch a single fish. In that case, what have you done beside sit on a boat and wait around all day?
When I started thinking about this, I was thinking surely it was something closer to TRAPPING. Like a venus fly trap. You have the honey out, and just gobble up every fly that lands close enough to your mouth. But then it just kind of sounded like a more specific version of fishing. You build a trap to catch specific women, putting in the things you know they like and are looking for in a man, and once they've wandered in you close the trap and their yours before they know it. Still, something just sounded wrong about that. I mean, even when you've laid out the "perfect trap" and you think they are locked inside, they can just as easily hop back out again, right?
Now what about the old boiling frog folktale? That if you want to cook a frog you have to put it in cold water and a low flame until slowly but surely the frog is cooked. I think I used to be like that, the SLOW BURN approach, and that's what got me stuck in the friend zone for so long with many women; If there's no flame, how do they know you're trying to cook them? Or something.
What I'm settling on these days is that I'm a Salesman. Of sorts. I know what my product is, I know how to sell it and to make it look good. I go out and make a Pitch, each one customized to the woman I'm trying to sell myself to. It's rare that anyone slams the door in my face once they've opened their door to me; they are at least polite in turning me down. But others take a step further, let me in the house, listen to what I'm offering. And then there are some who like it, and buy it. Whatever IT is. And for those who aren't interested, I just as easily move on to the next one, but keep their address marked down or whatever.
But no, Hunting seems to lack finesse and is way more brutal and direct than what I do. Hunting seems to give me the image of the old Cat and Mouse game, where a man is just chasing women around until he catches one.
In High school I took to calling it FISHING, going along with the "plenty of fish in the sea" adage. And that made sense for a while: you put the bait out and you wait for a lady to get hooked, then you reel them in and whack them so they stop wriggling. (Can you tell I've only ever fished in video games?) Fishing is much more laid back, almost passive. But I don't think I have that patience for that. I mean, I hear you can spend a whole day fishing and not catch a single fish. In that case, what have you done beside sit on a boat and wait around all day?
When I started thinking about this, I was thinking surely it was something closer to TRAPPING. Like a venus fly trap. You have the honey out, and just gobble up every fly that lands close enough to your mouth. But then it just kind of sounded like a more specific version of fishing. You build a trap to catch specific women, putting in the things you know they like and are looking for in a man, and once they've wandered in you close the trap and their yours before they know it. Still, something just sounded wrong about that. I mean, even when you've laid out the "perfect trap" and you think they are locked inside, they can just as easily hop back out again, right?
Now what about the old boiling frog folktale? That if you want to cook a frog you have to put it in cold water and a low flame until slowly but surely the frog is cooked. I think I used to be like that, the SLOW BURN approach, and that's what got me stuck in the friend zone for so long with many women; If there's no flame, how do they know you're trying to cook them? Or something.
What I'm settling on these days is that I'm a Salesman. Of sorts. I know what my product is, I know how to sell it and to make it look good. I go out and make a Pitch, each one customized to the woman I'm trying to sell myself to. It's rare that anyone slams the door in my face once they've opened their door to me; they are at least polite in turning me down. But others take a step further, let me in the house, listen to what I'm offering. And then there are some who like it, and buy it. Whatever IT is. And for those who aren't interested, I just as easily move on to the next one, but keep their address marked down or whatever.
Then I took a quiz and I think I like it the best, because why not solve all of your inner questions with an online quiz. And this is what it said:
http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=DGSD&g=1&o=1
"Lusty but indirect. Kind, but also using friendship as a means to sex. Oh, that feels gooood. You are The Backrubber.
"Lusty but indirect. Kind, but also using friendship as a means to sex. Oh, that feels gooood. You are The Backrubber.
We call you “The Backrubber” because you straddle that fine line between coming on to someone and just treating her nicely. Backrubs are just one example; you’d meet for coffee, or talk about books/movies, or even argue a little bit, all the while mostly preferring to screw.
Your indirect approach is not some evil trickery, but rather a result of your open mind. You’d enjoy either love or sex, but the latter definitely doesn’t require the former. While you are responsible and ambitious, you absolutely DON’T have uptight views on relationships. So ultimately, you just enjoy a woman, and let things take their course. If she wants you, great. If not, that’s fine too.
Though you’re not thinking too much about Love at this point in your life, odds are, when the time comes, you’ll be very happy settling down. Your ideal mate is gentle and horny, just like you."
That sounds about right ,actually. Or at least I'd like to think so.
The Backrubber. Someone who is on the line of coming on to you and just being nice, not necessarily using the latter to do the former. And if it only leads to friendship, that's alright, though I'd prefer the other.
I kind of like that, OkCupid. Good Job.
So what's my style? I'm a backrubber.
I kind of like that, OkCupid. Good Job.
So what's my style? I'm a backrubber.
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