exhausted Ranting Stephen: I Want To Sleep Again
I know that the title sounds weird but that's what Titles do. I did some thinking over the last few days and I realized that I'm almost always tired. And in the last few days I haven't been having a good nights sleep. I'm constantly waking up and turning over and going back to sleep( like in the commercials) I am a light sleeper, too. At least now I am. I can hear my phone vibrate in my sleep and wake up to answer it.
But the bed isn't why I can't sleep... not entirely . (I'm sure it would help to get a Serta sleep comfort bed or Posture Pedic or something...) The reason I don't sleep is because I have conscious dreams. When a person who isn't me goes to sleep, they have dreams just as everyone does.(Even you, whether or not you remember it, you do in fact dream) But when they dream, they watch their dreams. They are in their dreams, but it is more like a movie to them. Usually. But then there are dreams that are called "Lucid Dreams". These dreams occur when the dreamer becomes aware of their dream and become active in it. They turn from a movie to a video game, so to speak.
My problem is, I don't start off watching my dreams. I'm already in my dream before I get a chance to sit down and enjoy it. I haven't NOT had a Lucid dream in years. Lucid dreams are great, don't get me wrong. In Lucid dreams, you are in control. Depending on your skill level, (oh yes, it does take skill) you can control yourself to anyone and everything in your dream world. You control their actions, who you want them to be, what you want them to be wearing.... You get it. There have been dreams where I've stopped time and relived some of the events that went on in the real world. And I can do it just about whenever I want sometimes. I get a lot of practice, what can I say.
But that's just it. When you have these kind of dreams, you don't get to relax. If you just turn yourself off and pretend you are not having this dream, you stand still, but the dream goes on without you doing anything. You don't get to sleep because you automatically interact with the dream as though you were awake. Even your 5 senses are active at this point. (that is to say, you consider yourself only to have five...but that's a completely different topic) That's what I mean by a conscious dream. You're awake, but you get to enjoy all the freedoms of being asleep. Except for the sleep part.
The Dreams I have are devoid of all meaning. You know flying dreams? Where you fly the whole time and you soar through the skies and all that stuff? never Had one. Never. I can fly in my dreams, but only for a limited time. Like in Superman 64 (WORST GAME EVER!!!) I don't even have nightmares anymore. No really. I've got to much control. The last nightmare I had, a demon fell out of my ceiling and on top of me. I was scared, but then I changed it into a sex dream. (Nasty, I know) I raped that demon till I woke up. The one before that, I was in a black void and monsters were attacking me. (probably Demons again.) Using my dream control powers, I started narrating my dream as though it was a book. I said that I was Cloud Strife (FF7) and I used omnislash and killed all of them... but I lost my pants somewhere. Where is the deep voice of my subconscious trying to tell me something? It's not there. My consciousness killed the beasts, not my subconscious.
I need sleep. Sleep is an essential part of the life cycle. There are 4 stages of sleep, each taking place at different interval during the night. The final stage, REM sleep, is the most important. This stage is when you are your deepest sleep and you are dreaming AND(most important) you are refreshing your body and restoring energy. When you wake up without enough of this final stage, it could actually have the reverse effect where you wake up tired and cranky (sleep and emotional balance are one in the same). I don't get that last stage. I'm still in either the second or third stage where you are aware of your environment, can still activate movement in my body (I sleep talk, but not walk), and you can easily be awaken. I've not a good night's sleep in a long time.
I just want to sleep again. And I don't mean sleep as in "sleep", I want to be at peace. My mind needs to be asleep. I want to be like Joseph in Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat. Meaning is key. I've got none. I've got no sleep either. I'm so tired. I just want to sleep. I just want to sleep. Don't put me to sleep, but let me sleep. Maybe Lunesta helps. I Want to Sleep Again.
